Surrender

I haven't heard or sung this song in years, probably since high school. But it is pressing deeply on my heart tonight:


Holy Father 
As we stand before Your throne 
As we look upon Your face
We confess Your matchless grace
Lord and Savior
We are nothing without You
There is nothing we can do  
But to serve and follow You
And surrender, And surrender
To surrender, All our dreams 
All we are
All that we are to become 
All of our love 
(Words & Music by Bruce Chollar & Larry James Copyright © 1986 Larry James)

Holy Father, as I stand before Your throne, as I look upon Your face, I confess Your matchless grace.

God's grace is so strong! It has redeemed me from the depths of despair. It has redeemed me from myself. Looking at God brings to light how small I am compared to Him. And yet, though I don't deserve it, He has given me so much!

Lord and Savior, I am nothing without You, there is nothing I can do, but to serve and follow You.

When I try to do things on my own, I am so weak. This isn't to say that I am not a capable person, but whatever I might do in my own strength pales in comparison to what He does. Why do I even try to go my own way? There truly is no other choice but to follow Him. Life is simply empty and irrelevant without His hand in it. 

And surrender all my dreams 

I have so many hopes and dreams and ideas of what my life should look like. But God has even better ideas and dreams. He has a better future for me than I could ever imagine. I cannot have both. I must give up my own and grasp the mystery of His. 

And surrender all I am and all that I am to become 

I have so many identities that I hold onto and that I want for myself. Mother. Wife. Missionary. Friend. Leader. The list is nearly endless. God knows who He wants me to be right now and who He wants to mold me into. It is only in giving in to His desire for me that I will truly be ME.

To surrender all of my love 

What do I love? My family, my security, my church, my friends. God must be at the top of that list, for it is only in my love for Him that I can truly love others.

A wise teacher recently said:
Sometimes following God feels like death. You look at what He calls you to do and think, "God, doing this will KILL me!!" But be assured, there is freedom and joy in following Him.

Yes, death. Surrendering my dreams and hopes and identity and love feels like death. God may be calling me to things that look very different than what I have in mind for my life. To follow feels like more than I can bear. It's one thing to follow God when you think you know what the future holds (but who really does?!?!). It's a whole 'nother thing to follow blindly, surrendering to whatever He may bring, wherever He may lead. To picture what I want least and love least and choose that even that would be ok, if it was where God had lead me.

And in that death and surrender is where I will find life. I must take up my cross, and the shame and torture that it brings, and follow Him. Yet His yolk is light, and I won't be burdened by it. It is easier to endure the death of surrender than to go my own way. What a joyful and true paradox that is! I have seen it to be true so many times in my life. May it be true again.