Sunday, June 12, 2011

"Life is Crazy"

At any given time, if you ask how I am or what's up in our life, I will often reply with, "life is crazy." Meaning, "I don't feel like I can quite keep up with everything, and a lot of unexpected things keep happening." And that is usually true.

Although I hate to admit it, we could cut back on our involvement in church activities, slow down on things like preparing for Rwanda or finishing school, or just generally minimize the variables in our life. And if we did those things, we would probably not feel behind as often. And there would be less opportunity for unexpected things to arise - or at least more time to deal with those things when they do come up.

I am learning that there is much wisdom in enjoying today and not pushing as hard and as fast as I can to the future. The process of going to Rwanda seems to be in perpetual delay, for one reason or another. But all of those delays have already given us much time to learn and grow in ways that will be valuable in our future. In addition, the "slowing down" has given us an opportunity to dive deeper into the ministries and relationships that we already have right now. And there has been great richness in that. 

So sometimes slowing down and cutting back on things can be good. But sometimes it can be a waste of the time, talents, and gifts that God has given us. I recall periods in our life where we weren't really involved in much outside of ourselves. In those times, we often found ourselves bored or indulging in unnecessary things. And in those times, if the unexpected arose, it was still just as jarring and overwhelming. Life was slower and "easier," but not any happier.

It seems as though, like most things, there is a balance to be found. We should not be wasting day after day on frivolous activity (or inactivity, as it may be). Nor should we be taking on so many things that we can't do any of them well (I've been guilty of this lately). The fullness found in serving God wholeheartedly and without reservation is not present when you are out of balance. You can't sit idle nor can you say "yes" to absolutely everything. 

In addition, "balance" is not something that can be decided equally for everyone. Some people get quite stressed with too much activity, while others get restless with too much free time. I imagine that those who are stressed with too much activity tend to err on the side of too little activity, while those who get restless with free time tend to err on the side of too much activity. 

I'm in the second group. I get restless with too much free time. I am chronically over-committed. I would be bored if I wasn't feeling a bit behind on something, or if I allowed enough free time for me to not be a bit frazzled by the unexpected. But I do need to slow down sometimes. It's good for me to enjoy a date with my husband and not take any of that time to go over the calendar for the month or discuss the next parenting hurdle.

I'm not sure that I will ever again be at a point where I don't feel like life is a bit crazy -- that comes with the territory of being busy, which I enjoy. But it is good for me to slow down sometimes and realize that not every minute of every day should be crazy. Sometimes calm and boring is ok. But only sometimes. 

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