Excited

I just got an e-mail from one of the current missionaries in Rwanda. He was answering some of our questions about life and ministry in Rwanda. I'm excited. Really excited. I think I had an exclamation point at the end of every sentence in my reply to him.
So much of what they are doing is such a good fit for Luke and I. They have a training school for pastors. The pastors come to them for 3 weeks at a time, 4 times a year. They have 3 groups going at a time, so 36 weeks of the year has pastors there learning things like the basics of salvation, Bible study methods, etc. That is exactly the kind of setting that Luke would thrive in. He loves to teach, especially such worthwhile topics to such a worthwhile class.

But that's not what really excited me. One of the things they are doing is a children's ministry. That could mean any number of things, and I wasn't really sure what exactly they were doing with children. Here is the description I got, "Our children’s ministry is a ministry to the teachers of children. It is intended to help strengthen and train the teachers of children within churches. It primarily focuses on helping churches develop solid ministries to disciple kids." I have always said that although I love children, I much prefer working with people who are working with children. And that's exactly what they are doing!!!!!!!! AND, as if that's not exciting enough, that's what I've been doing for the past 2 1/2 years at our church. So I'm already getting great training and preparation for it! I don't yet know anything about what kind of help they need in that area of ministry, but if our church is any indication, I bet whoever is leading the ministry has a long list of "someday" projects that they never really find the time to do. So one more person working in that area can only strengthen it, right?

It's so hard to wait. I know that this process is long and the earliest we would really be able to get there would probably be 2 years or more. I hate hearing about the things happening there now, knowing that by the time we get there, the needs might be totally different. Why can't we just pick up and move there this summer after Luke is done with school? I know there are good reasons for all of the application process and support raising and everything else, it just seems so long!!!!!

But despite the ridiculous amount of time it takes to get there and my complete inability to be patient, I am excited. Super duper excited.

Rwanda?

I've wanted to "be a missionary" my entire life, well since about age 15 anyway. I lost sight of that desire not long before L and I were married, and it stayed dormant for a few years. When the desire did come back, I didn't think that L would ever be ok with it, so I started directing my desires elsewhere. Children's ministry and urban ministry both caught my heart and drew me in. Why go halfway around the world when there is so much need right here? So although international ministry is the type of ministry that God first drew me to, I must say that I'm pretty surprised to find myself here on the threshold of it. It's just not where I expected to be right now.

But none of you are paying any attention to that because I titled this post "Rwanda?" and you are more interested in knowing what exactly I mean by that. We aren't really thinking of going there, are we?? Well, yes. In fact, at this point that is the only place we are looking at. There are still a lot of opportunities for God to close this door, but until He does so (or we arrive there!!) that's the direction we're pursuing. Yes, the first words that come to my mind when I think of Rwanda are "genocide, war, violence." Yes, I have a husband who melts and withers in the slightest heat wave and Rwanda is right in the middle of Africa (ok, a little right of the middle, but who's looking at a map right now anyway?). No, I don't want my children to be raised in a war zone. No, I don't think it's good to be married to a withered, grumpy, hot (not in the "attractive" sense) man. So what on earth are we thinking!?!?! (all of A's aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc were wondering that anyway when we proposed moving "somewhere, probably Africa," but now I'm sure they all really think we've lost it!!)

I would like to start with telling you all the reasons why we feel like God is leading us there, but I don't think anyone will really read it until I dispel a few concerns. First, the genocide. It happened mid-nineties. Every teen and adult that we meet there will have been alive during that time, and I would imagine is deeply effected by it. Does everyone in Rwanda have PTSD? I don't know--I have no idea how widespread the violence was. Is it PTSD if the whole country has it? Maybe it has just changed the culture in general. We have some serious learning to do before arriving. But I do know this: about ten years ago, stability returned and it has been stable since. Does that mean there is no more violence or unrest at all? Again, I don't know, but it can't be as severe as it had been in then nineties or the US Embassy wouldn't be allowing people there; missions organizations wouldn't sending people there. Maybe relief organizations would be there, but not Bible teachers. We've lived in Chicago long enough to know that there can be a lot of violence around you that still never directly effects you. And maybe Rwanda isn't violent at all anymore--I simply don't know. But I can't imagine that it could be too much worse than some of the Chicago neighborhoods. But maybe I'm ignorant about it---again, we have a lot of learning to do. I will say this, though. I have a lot of faith in the US government when it comes to protecting their people on foreign soil. If the Rwandan government still had as much unrest as everyone assumes that there is, there wouldn't be Americans there living normal lives.

Have I appeased your worries enough for you to hear the good stuff? Oh, I forgot about the heat. Rwanda is typically 70's and 80's year round because it is a mountainous country. Have I mentioned that I LOVE LOVE LOVE mountains?!?!

So why do we want to go? The easiest way to describe our excitement for the work being done in Rwanda right now is to share with you the most recent update from one of the missionaries currently working in Rwanda:

Today was an awesome climax to two exhausting weeks of teaching almost sixty first-year pastors. Last Monday (January 18), we welcomed fifty-nine new pastors into our Pastoral Training School. All of these men are in ministry – some oversee multiple churches. They come from fourteen different denominations, including one in Burundi. For the last two weeks, we have been teaching two classes – “The True Gospel” and “The Christian Life.” Over and over again, these men have commented on how new these teachings have been and how they have been teaching wrong doctrine in their churches for such a long time. One man openly confessed last week, “We have been building our churches on the wrong foundation!"

This afternoon during a prayer gathering, assuming that there were probably some in the group who have never understood what it means to be a Christian, we offered the pastors a chance to respond to the call of the Gospel. Twenty four pastors quickly stood to their feet to declare in front of everyone that they were trusting in Jesus and what Jesus has done for them for the first time in their lives. Praise the Lord! These men are on fire! Next week we will finish their studies, at which time they will return to their homes and churches. Please pray that the truth of what they’ve experienced and embraced would radically change their lives, homes and churches.

I feel like just ending this post with that. Need I say any more? Is there a more worthwhile work that we could do? Pastors, the men ordained to lead the Church and guide God's people to Truth, who don't even understand the foundations of God's Truth themselves!!! Think about how many lives will be changed by these influential men spreading the Truth even further.

Since I've been so concerned about defending our sanity in this, I haven't really let on to the million questions and fears I have. I mean really, Rwanda? What are we thinking? We've got a one year old child, and we ultimately want more children. Are we really considering moving to the middle of Africa with a young family, probably dealing with pregnancy and birth there?!?!? They've got a good thing going without us, do they really need us to go there? Did we rush into this decision? Do we have a stable enough marriage and family to go halfway around the world and live in less-than-ideal conditions? Are we really sure that that's what God wants with us? Maybe we're just getting caught up in the excitement of it and not thinking about it realistically.

But we've prayed about it. A lot. When we started this process, it was a cautious "God, what do you have in store for us after L is done with school?" The response? Every person that we sat down with to ask if they could see a place for us to use our gifts and passions to serve God overseas said yes. So we started to officially pursue "missions," still waiting for God to close the door. We were directed to a number of different locations that could potentially be a good fit for us. But the moment Rwanda was even mentioned, we both felt drawn to it. Neither of us admitted that until later, of course, because really, Rwanda? The process of corresponding with missionaries and talking with our church and talking with others who know us well and praying together and talking together and researching together continued. The entire time, L and I both felt drawn to Rwanda, and the work that the team is doing there right now. It is a pull that I can't describe. But despite how crazy I (sometimes) think we are, neither of us can shake it. It just seems right. How's that for a vague, wishy-washy answer? But I don't think it is wishy-washy. I think God sometimes chooses to direct us by giving us an uncanny peace about what He wants. And as far as the other concerns like, "are we cut out for this?" That's why we have both a church and mission board evaluating us. Maybe we aren't. Maybe God just wants us to go through this process so we can be drawn closer to Him, and in the end we won't end up overseas at all. I don't like that possibility, but God is God and I am not--He can do with us what He wants.

So now we have a lot of work to do. We both feel like we just want to study every aspect of Rwanda's culture and history and people. We have an application to fill out with our church so they can approve for us to apply with the mission board. Then we have that application. It's like a full life study of both of us---every aspect of our life and history and marriage and theology and who knows what else?!?! Somewhere in there we want to (and have been strongly advised to) take a 2 week trip to Rwanda. When do we do that? Do we take A along? How do we pay for it? Do we raise support? I feel like we should do it sooner rather than later, since that seems like the most likely way for God to confirm that we should go there, or close that door for us. Then (or maybe before we visit Rwanda) we go to the mission's headquarters (in November, if our church approves) and go through their evaluation time. Then, if we're approved by them, we start raising support and prepping to go. THAT IS SUCH A LONG PROCESS!!!! And I am not a patient person.

Wow. I just re-read everything I wrote. Is anyone still reading this? That's lot of reading. I'll end now because I'm not sure what else to say and this is already gettting super-long. More later.

Meanwhile, the journey continues and God is good.

The Beginning of the Journey

Where do I begin in describing our thoughts right now?

My husband, L, is going to finish his master's degree in Theology this summer. Naturally, the question arose: what comes next? Prior to this adventure into school, L was just working a 9-5 job that he didn't care much about--certainly not a long term career, just an honest way to earn a living. I had quit my similarly uninteresting job a few months earlier to stay home with our first son, A. Since high school (long before we met each other), we've both felt as though God ultimately wants us to serve Him full time in ministry. After college we had gotten a bit sidetracked, but in the past 2-3 years, that desire to give our lives completely and unreservedly to God for His work has been renewed. That's the nutshell that brings us to a few months ago when we started asking "what's next?"

L and I both love to teach. We both get energized at opportunities to communicate what we know to others who want to know it. We both also are confident leaders, although our leadership styles and abilities are vastly different. I also tend to get excited about administrative tasks, while L could discuss theology and philosophy all day. So what do we do with this and with L's education? Where does God want us next?

I've always been drawn to international ministry. Part of it may be the excitement of travel, and learning other languages and understanding a new culture. But I think most of that desire comes from the knowledge that there is just so many more needs than in the US, and so many less people to meet those needs.

L is a different story, though. He'd considered missions long ago and concluded that he could be much more effective teaching in his own culture and in his own language. He also likes to travel and such, but he just felt that it doesn't really make a lot of sense to send missionaries all over the world and spend all this extra money to fly them there and establish a new life there when ultimately a missionary is not nearly as natural as a native church-goer in spreading the Gospel in an effective way. Sure, there's remote corners of the world that don't even have the seed of a church, but neither of us feels as though the initial evangelizing of a culture is a good match for us. We're more the type to take an eager learner and give them everything we can. And for that, it seemed to L that letting local people pass on what they know is simply more effective.

But a few months ago, he started questioning that conclusion. He started seeking out people who had been connected with the international church and asking them what they thought about it. The response was overwhelmingly in agreement that there was an intense need in developing countries for exactly the kind of teaching and discipleship that we think God has prepared us to do. There are countries where the majority of the pastors don't have a high school education, let alone any Biblical training. Imagine that! The person who is trying to lead the church doesn't even understand the Bible for himself.

Suddenly, the whole world opened up to us. Why should we limit ourselves to the US when there is so much need that we are equipped to meet in so many places?!?!

So here we are. We have a number of personal connections to one missions agency, and we feel like their values and such are all agreeable to us, so we've started conversations with them. They've connected us with missionaries in a few African countries that we've begun talking to to see if the work they are doing is a good fit for us.

In the meantime, we met with one of the pastors at our church today. It was a good meeting. He gave good direction for us spiritually. I'll probably be thinking about it a lot in the near future, and therefore will probably write more about it later. He also went through a few of the logistics of the process with us. We'll apply first with the church for them to send us as missionaries, and when we get the go-ahead from them, we'll apply with a mission board.

So that's where we are right now. There is SO MUCH more that I could say about all of this, but this is getting long and I just wanted to write something that would bring whoever is reading this up to speed on what's going on. This post feels very dry and factual, but there is a lot of history to cover--I can flesh out the thoughts later.

I should also note that I feel incredibly weird writing with "L" and "A" and other anonymous nonsense. However, I just read a friend's blog where she had a crazy privacy breech and in the end had to go back and change everything to make it anonymous. I'm saving myself the potential trouble and concern of that by just starting with annonymity, even though it feels very bizarre. I expect that most of my readers are friends that I have in real life who know our actual identity, so you'll be able to fill in the blanks that I leave (and please don't identify us if you leave a comment!)

Thanks for reading and joining us in this journey!

Blog Name Inspiration

Rich Mullins' song is the inspiration for this blog's name.  May our life be one of mercy and love, so that the footprints we leave will be filled with grace.

Aidan you're young
But Aidan you're growing fast
Me and your mom
And all the love we have
We can only take you so far
As far as we can
But you'll need something more to guide your heart
As you grow into a man

CHORUS:
Let mercy lead
Let love be the strength in your legs
And in every footprint that you leave
There'll be a drop of grace
If we can reach
Beyond the wisdom of this age
Into the foolishness of God
That foolishness will save
Those who believe
Although their foolish hearts may break
They will find peace
And I'll meet you in that place
Where mercy leads

Aidan the day
Aidan the day will come
You'll run the race
That takes us way beyond
All our trials and all our failures
And all the good we dream of
But you can't see yet where it is you're heading
But one day you'll see the face of love

(CHORUS)

Let mercy lead
Let love be the strength in your legs
And in every footprint that you leave
There'll be a drop of grace
If we can reach
Beyond the wisdom of this age
Into the foolishness of God
That foolishness will save
Let mercy lead