Friday, September 21, 2012

How can this be?


i cried out to God
for food for my children
no food came
they ached and cried
they shrunk smaller and smaller
one by one, they lost the battle
now they are all gone
i am disgusted
i feel such betrayal
i don't understand
i cannot worship
until a dream
my youngest child
healthy, happy, plump
mama! mama!
jesus fed me!
i stand there shocked
God did provide?
how can this be?

I cried out to God
for protection from my daddy
he still hits, criticizes, torments
i'm so confused
why won't anyone love me?
God, take me away from this hell!
i've grown up
i'm away from the hell
but it is still inside me
it still torments, criticizes, hates
i am disgusted
i feel such betrayal
i don't understand
i cannot worship
until a dream
a Father is holding me
loving and guiding
he's been there all along
he has plans for my pain
he has healing for my heart
and when the end comes
i will be blessed beyond measure
i stand there shocked
God did provide?
how can this be?

i cried out to God
for protection from the rebels
but still they came
they found me
they raped and tortured me
day after day
night after night
my body finally gives up the fight
just before my mind slips away
i am disgusted
i feel such betrayal
i don't understand
i cannot worship
but now it all feels like a dream
i am standing healed
indescribable joy floods over me
i see my Savior
it all becomes clear
God did provide!
how can this be?

i cried out to God
for the cup to pass from me
my friends are sleeping
my betrayer is coming
whips, mocking
thorns in my forehead
nails in my hands and feet
suffocation and pain take over
i feel the weight of evil
i am disgusted
i feel such betrayal
it's hard to understand
my Father has forsaken me
it is finished
like a dream i wake up
i have returned to my earthly body
the pain is gone
my friends weep with joy
i ascend to heaven
it always made sense
God did provide
salvation is complete

the hungry child
the anguished mother
the unloved child
the kidnapped woman
the Lord of heaven
all cried to God
all had faith
all endured heartache
all found salvation
this life is not the end
God will make all things new
God does provide

2 comments:

  1. My heart is wrestling with God tonight. I'm not sure that this is a final conclusion, but it's where I'm at right now.

    I welcome any feedback.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love your heart! Thanks for the re-read, especially today... Rhonda

    ReplyDelete